We have to understand that a good portion of our lives, when we still live unconsciously, is made up of either coping mechanisms or defense mechanisms.
Being very adaptable and clever creatures, we have the inner resources to find creative ways to handle that which is not compatible with our view of the world.
So basically when "reality gets too real" - meaning when we are triggered and have the opportunity to look in the face of our wounds in order to heal - by being hardwired to avoid pain and seek pleasure, we will most likely and at all costs try to preserve the image and belief we have of it. Usually we do it through 𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘢𝘭.
For instance, if a woman is forced to face the fact that her husband is an alcoholic that comes home drunk every night, she will justify and find excuses for his behavior rather than admit to the painful reality of the situation. She will say "Oh, he is just tired from work and needed to relax", "Tonight is the first night he came home drunk in a while" or "He just had a beer".
All of this is her own unconscious creation to shield herself against the reality that her relationship is probably doomed, that he is an addict and she will have to put in the effort to love herself enough to walk away from him, starting a new life all alone.
It is completely understandable why we do this and it is necessary that we show compassion and patience towards ourselves: 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐩 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐦𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬.
So in order to manage the circumstances at hand, 𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥.
The first step to heal from that is seeing denial for what it is, which is an incredibly challenging and excruciating thing to do (it is basically a person accepting that all their life was a lie until now!). It's a narrow path. But it's the only real path.
Ask yourself: How may I be denying certain truths in my life? What makes me deny the reality of a certain situation that I am facing? What would be so bad of I were to admit to what is real?
How to recognize you're in denial in a certain situation:
Try to look at your life and see where exactly there are cyclical patterns repeating at certain times and what enables/catalyzes them to repeat themselves. Recognizing where you might have denial in your life is crucial to being able to finally living the life of your dreams.
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