You're feeling trapped in your life. Trapped in your 9-5. Trapped with a car you don't want that you can't sell. Trapped in a city you hate. Trapped in a lifestyle. You just feel like you're suffocating right now, trying to live up to other people's expectations on how you're supposed to live. The problem is, you don't know what else you would do. How do you break free from this horrible, empty life? There has to be more to life than this...
Well, there is, but in order to understand what you need to feel free, you need to understand what got you here in the first place.
We are born whole, with a unique blueprint to express – which is our true and authentic self. But soon after we are born, we do not stay a unified self, we are turned into a multitude of selves, like shattered glass .
TRAUMA & FRAGMENTATION TO COPE WITH THE PAIN & POWERLESSNESS
When we experience trauma as children, it makes us feel powerless and helpless because we can't fully understand or make sense of it. As children we take everything personally and internalize everything because our minds haven't fully developed the critical thinking skills. As a result, children interpret feedback from their parents and the events around them as negative reflections of themselves. And because the emotional pain is too much to bear, as a result, children's minds instinctively use a protective mechanism called fragmentation.
Fragmentation is a natural response that helps us feel safe when faced with overwhelming distress. It allows us to compartmentalize and contain the intense feelings associated with the traumatic experience, so that we can still function and survive. However, in the process, we become disconnected from our personal power and creative abilities, gradually relying more on survival mechanisms to get by.
THE ROLE OF TRIGGERS & GLIMMERS IN FINDING OUR WAY BACK TO OUR TRUE SELF
From the second we learn as children to fragment our true self to survive, that same moment gives rise to a powerful desire for wholeness of your authentic self. All throughout our lives from that moment, we are given indications, glimpses into what our soul truly yearns and wants. We can see that in moments when we feel alive, joyous, at peace, centered ,these are the so called glimmers.
Glimmers are positive cues we receive from our being about what we truly want, value and need. Glimmers are like breadcrumbs back to the integration of the true self, they show us the way. They teach us about what needs, values, desires were being met and fulfilled in those moments.
Glimmers show us that in that moment we were in alignment with our true self and our true soul's desires. Our job is to find out how and why in order to have more of that integrated into our daily lives. For eg if we find relief and peace when we sit in the morning sun, what about this makes us feel so? What need or value is being met in that moment? It's vital to look for these seemingly insignificant moments throughout the day when you feel most alive and most like your real self. Of course, these positive cues don't just show up in small ways, they can be present in important and significant moments of your life as well. When you allow yourself to become more and more aware of these glimmers, it is like having a slew of pieces of a puzzle that have been scattered in a chaotic manner that you now you need to put back together again if you want the full picture of who your true self is.
Glimmers show up in the body, mind and soul, but we can mostly tell their specific signature in the body - you may feel lightness, butterflies, expansiveness, spaciousness, like taking a deep and healing breath as tell tale signs of being in alignment with your true self .
Triggers on the other hand are negative cues that activate our nervous system and awaken painful and unwanted parts of our past. They are reminders of the painful moments of our inner fragmentations.
Triggers show us we were in misalignment with our true self. Our job is to find out how and why in order to have less of that or more of its healthy version into our daily lives. Triggers show up in the body, mind and soul just as glimmers too, but we can mostly tell their specific signature in the body - you may feel constriction, heaviness, suffocation, buzzing etc, anything that is to the opposite to the physical signatures of glimmers.
Triggers are however just as valuable as glimmers because they teach us what needs, values and desires were NOT being met and fulfilled in those moments and should have.
This is why I strongly believe (and it is part of my philosophy) that everything matters - meaning everything you feel holds some kind of valuable information and wisdom that you can use/leverage to help you and guide you closer to your true self.
Both triggers and glimmers are vital to map out your vision for your true self and get clear on your values.
Who you want to become is not something you can falsify if you allow the aliveness of those glimmers to guide you and the wisdom of triggers to teach you.
You cannot fake aliveness and freedom, it's not something that can be adopted, conditioned or learned, so it doesn't have to make sense. You don't get to choose or not choose what it makes you free or alive, it's beyond that, it's your soul's true desire and it cannot be ignored if you want to be a healthy individual that leads a purposeful and meaningful life.
These glimmers can also come in metaphorical images meant to be translated and understood - for eg for me what makes me come alive is being by the ocean. I have never been by the ocean, but it is my soul's true desire. When I explored it closely, I understood that what makes me come alive is not necessarily the ocean by itself, but what it stands for - freedom. My soul's desire is to feel totally and utterly free. It makes sense given my past - I was not allowed to be myself, I always had to play by other people's rules.
WHAT IS A TRUE DESIRE
Glimmers give us hints as to what our true desires are. My personal definition of a true desire is the yearning of untapped potential inside you for self-actualization. True desires are true because they bubble to the surface from your true essence, your core, your true and authentic self, like I said, from the depth of your being. They cannot be denied, replaced or half assed. You cannot live your life ignoring them if you want to live a meaningful and purposeful existence. They are being backed up by your core value and personal values.
PERSONAL POWER IS THE POWER TO GO AFTER AND GET WHAT YOU TRULY WANT
Because we felt powerless to the traumatic envirpnment we grew up in and we had no advocates or support to help us get thorugh it, we internalized the belief that we live at the mercy of some random events that we have no control over. we don't have the conscious awareness that we are, at our core, conscious creators of our lives, destinies, and we have the ability to choose and create who we want to be based on what feels alive and expansive within us. Most of us don't feel empowered enough to go after our desires.
ENVY OR FEELING INSPIRED BY CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE SIGNS OF DISOWNED DESIRE AND PERSONAL POWER
Another sign that we have disowned true desires and personal power within ourselves is when we feel envy or a sense of inspiration towards certain individuals. Envy is seen as a negative emotion, but it actually holds a valuable message. It awakens and points to a part of us that longs for something we desire but haven't allowed ourselves to pursue. Like any negative emotions, envy highlights unmet needs and unexpressed potential. Similarly, feeling inspired by someone means that we recognize qualities or achievements in them that resonate with our own untapped potential. Both envy and inspiration point towards the depths of our being, urging us to reclaim our desires and personal power.
WHY WE CANNOT HEAR THE VOICE OF OUR TRUE DESIRES CALLING & WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DON"T HEAR IT
Because of trauma, limitations and conditioning, we do not hear the voice of our true desires calling, we cannot afford to allow ourselves to hear its voice because we think it will bring too much suffering. We push our desires away, we deny and disown them and live our live pretending to be deaf to their calling.
This is why you feel trapped now. You live a life that is not by choice yours. This is very valuable because it teaches what you want instead. What is it to the opposite of feeling trapped? How does your soul want to feel?
TRUE DESIRE VS SURFACE LEVEL DESIRE
You can identify true desires by how alive they make you feel when you attain them, how joyful and expansive, how liberating making them a reality feels, whereas a shallow desire simply binds you even more to it or leaves you feeling empty, unfulfilled. True desires are not about 'having'; those are the surface-level desires. True desires don't bind you to wanting more and more of the same thingSurface-level desires are not wrong, but they must be explored deeper to uncover whatever unmet need and value/values these surface-level desires may be hinting at, otherwise when you get the thing you think you want, you will soon start feeling empty and miserable again because it was not what you authentically wanted. For example, someone who wants a car, at a closer look, they actually want significance or recognition. So their true desire is to feel significant, not to get the car. They can absolutely get the car too, but not as a way to meet that need, but as a secondary desire, a byproduct of meeting their true desire first.
True desires must be met because it's your soul's calling and you'll be miserable if you don't. Your core value and personal values give you a good insight into your true desires. For example, someone whose core value is freedom may have a desire such as traveling the world or having a schedule that makes sense to them and their own understanding of freedom. Someone whose values include trust and dependability will desire connections that are real, strong, and trustworthy, etc.
Practical exercise to understand your true desires: Imagine who you would be if there were no negative social consequences for being that person. Who would you be if you didn't need or rely on any societal approval? Who would you be if you were solely guided by what you wanted, not by what you are afraid to lose or by what you are trying to avoid? If it was safe to be you, who would you be and what would you do, say, feel? Give it a thought. Write it down and let the vision of your life unfold from this identity that would be unrestricted by any limitations. True desires come to your awareness when you leave all self-limitations or societal limitations aside, when you give yourself permission to dream and be who you were meant to be. It's a process of coming home to yourself, so be patient and have compassion towards yourself.
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