When pain is good and happiness is bad

When you are raised in an environment where pain is unavoidable, you learn happiness is bad because it is unsafe.

In such a case, 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘤𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘢 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. ⁣⁣⁣

How did it come to this? When you were young, being happy was as natural to you as breathing, so you playing and having fun was just you following your authentic nature. But then, in the midst of what seemed to be an unaltered, unending happiness, something bad happened... An occurence that blindsided you and turned all your joy into bitter sorrow. ⁣⁣

⁣⁣Maybe your mother smacked you for being too loud and forced you to do something you hated. Maybe your father caught you watching cartoons and being happy and blew up at you saying you'll amount to nothing because you're not studying enough. All of this robbed you of your instinctual delight.⁣⁣⁣

⁣⁣⁣When such things happen often enough, your young mind then makes the assumption that happiness is volatile and unsafe and the only time safety is predictable and anticipated is when you are sad because you being sad somehow keeps the caregivers in your life content. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘣𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘢𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴. ⁣⁣

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You grow up with this belief that joy is unforeseeable, arbitrary and you will always be blindsided if you're not on guard all the time. ⁣⁣

You grow up finding comfort in pain, not willing to invest in joy because you feel exposed and vulnerable to a deeper pain. ⁣⁣

It's like knowing that the first step on the peak of bliss brings about a preordained fall into an unfathomable abyss, shattering your bones, no matter what you do to prevent that. Who would be so crazy to do that willingly? 𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭...