A lot of us learn from an early age that love is not simply given to us in an unconditional manner. We learn that we need and have to perform for love, we have to become worthy and earn it. We have to be one "right" way to receive approval, appraisal, love and validation.
Our deepest pain growing up is that we cannot trust love to be pure, it is ingrained within us that love is a way to get what we want and need in a covert way. And so as adults we unconsciously perpetuate this pain & take from others in a manipulative way & we call that love.
Narcissists are a perfect example of people who use love to take & never to give. However, narcissists are an extreme example. We all do that to some degree or another in more or less subtle ways, anytime we are not honest and authentic about our intentions in a relationship. For instance if you help someone with the subconscious intention to keep them in debt to you. If you are friends with someone with the subconscious desire to feel validated through them, if you have someone close to you that's an addict & you act as the "loving" enabler for them, that means you make sure (subconsciously) to keep them close to you in this way & etc.
These are some examples on how we use love to take from the people in our lives. In order to heal you need to do some self awareness work & start being honest about your needs. The fear is that you will be left rejected abandoned if you are open about them. But know that the place of the people who leave because they cannot handle your authenticity will soon be filled with the people who can.
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