Society and the spiritual community have us thinking that feeling powerless and abandoned to losing someone just shows you're either "not strong enough" to handle it or not healed so as not to be triggered.
So it puts you in a spiral of shame or guilt for not doing this "right" as if it's a universal recipe out there tailored to everyone's traumas and personalities. It's not. And the response of pain in regards to being separated from a dear one is not pathological, it's normal. If you hit your leg against something, the searing pain response isn't wrong or pathological, it's normal. Nobody expects physical trauma not to hurt, so why do we expect emotional trauma not to hurt?
Each and everyone of us goes through a process of grief. The process is the same, the spectrum of emotions is the same, but it just lasts differently for everyone. There is no time limit to which someone has to be in pain. We need to take our time to grieve and feel whatever feelings come up. Sit with them, respect them and let them express themselves in their own way and time. Therefore the wisest thing to do is have patience with ourselves or the person going through this. This is unconditional presence! That's what we all want and need in times like these. So let grief express itself and let the person live through this at their own inner pace. Let yourself cry and be angry and go through all the palette of emotions in your own rhythm. the alternative is to rush through a pain that, undealt with, just turns into poison over the years.
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