The ego is not inherently bad. It's whether one is aware of it or not that makes it either a hindrance or a helper.
The ego will take over in many areas of one's life when one is not prepared to deal with the world from a place of love and not from his or her ego. Let's see certain situations and signs that ego took the reins:
1. When you compare yourself to someone else and feel less or when you compare yourself to feel better than. Both scenarios imply that you are disconnected from the person you're comparing yourself to and it also implies you're not living in your truth. Comparison means that there is always not enough on one end. Ego will never say I'm perfect just as I am or this person is perfect as they are. The ego is always thirsty for more.
2. The poor me monologue. The ego also uses the victimhood and the victim discourse to get sympathy from people. The ego desperately wants to make sure that you get two things: love and safety. And so it will do whatever it takes for it to feel loved and safe.
3. When you feel like you are weak if you don't lash out, just know that it's yourego taking over. This happens when in a dispute with someone else and you keep calm, but there is a voice inside your head saying that this person will humiliate you if you don't make a bold move and if you don't show them who is bigger and stronger.
4. When you attempt to control the exterior. You probably have been in terrible situations where things were happening to you and you could not have any control over them. Sometimes that happens in our lives because it is meant to teach us surrender. To the ego surrender is death. It feels that, without controlling everything and everyone, you will be trampled on and lose yourself. Ego is all about holding on and not letting go, it's all about controlling and managing what is outside so that the inside feels better.
5. When you have a lack based mentality. What does that mean? It means that you live in fear that it's never going to be enough. That you won't have enough of what you want to live a fruitful and abundant life. You get that by sharing with someone else they will have more than you or that you won't have enough. This is ego right here.
6. When you feel like you need to prove your worth.
We are socialized in a world where your worth is consodered to not be innate. Therefore growing up all we are taught is to go the extra mile to show that we are worthy human beings. The ego then takes the reins and it make it it's own mission to prove itself and yourself to everyone else. This is going to be never ending chase because you always have something more to prove to someone else.
7. When you want to have the last word and be right all the time.
In fights with people, the ego takes over when you feel that if you don't have the last word and you don't convert the other person to your view and your opinion, you're a loser. Ego thrives on competition and on being right.
8. When you believe that nobody can teach you because you know all that you need to know.
Ego comes through anytime you think you know better or that someone less qualified than you can have anything to teach in your job or career. This is where ego keeps you stuck because there is not one human being that is not teachable. Thinking you're too good to learn anything new is hindering you from evolving.
9. When you judge and assume. The easiest thing and the most accessible thing in the world is to judge, shame and assume something about someone. It doesn't matter if you know them or not. Ego is very quick to draw conclusions and to make them absolute truths.
10. When you want to be seen as the good person. The ego wants you to be considered a good person, but in order for that to happen, it needs a villain that can create the contrast. That means it cannot be good in and of itself it needs someone to be the bad guy. So whenever you're triggered and your ego takes the reins in the situation, you blame, deflect or project onto the person in front of you, so that you come out as the good guy.
11. When differences trigger you. If you find yourself in a situation where someone is different than you in some way, they have different political views, different tastes in food, music etc and that makes you uncomfortable as if that invalidates your own preferences and your own existence, beaten because that's a sign that ego is in charge. Ego does not like anything unlike itself, it feels like it's a treat to its safety.
12. When you know you're wrong, but don't want to admit it because it makes you feel weak, or like a failure. I had people in my life that never ever apologized to me when they did me wrong. It hurt me a lot. I had a very good friend who accused me of something I never did and even after I explained it and clarified it for her, she did not apologize. I'm not exempt from this either, I know I did that myself to other people. It's really difficult to admit to it, but it's true.
13. When you want to teach someone a lesson. Say someone has done you wrong and you believe that you have to take it upon yourself to show that person. The ego cannot get any rest before the other person learns a lesson. So when you find yourself feeling like this, it's your chosen self that makes decisions in those moments for you.
14. When you identify with your career and feel like without it you are nothing. When your career is what you live and die for, know that you are identified with it. This is not healthy because you are not truly and genuinely living your life, are you? When you identity with something that is outside of you, when you have an attachment to something like your career, you are not focusing on yourself and your needs. Your attachment makes you stray away from your soul purpose. Your worth will always depend on how much you produce and thats why it will never be enough.
15. When you deny and gaslight people just so that you dont appear vulnerable. The ego is a master of gaslighting. Actually the ego is a master of handling, creating and putting forth all sorts of coping mechanisms that you think they are you. But one of ego's favourite tools of manipulating is to gaslight people for fear that it will be exposed and people will see the truth of your pain that, in the eyes of the ego, makes you weak and unlovable.
16. When you feel like you have to defend yourself, just know that ego wants to be in control. Defending yourself is your ego desperately wanting to be validated, to not be hurt or seen as weak. So you will find yourself overexplaining and justifying yourself, draining your energy.
17. When you do good deeds to be seen & validated as a good person, that's when ego is in charge as well. If you do good deeds and you need to be seen for them, it's just your unmet need for validation that wants to be satisfied. But remember we all do this, consciously or not. We all want to be praised, loved, accepted and safe in the bosom of our community. The ego is just making sure you continue to belong there. The ego's main function is to keep you safe and accepted. The ego will not let you operate outside o what you have been taught or conditioned to believe. It will put up a strenuous and terrible fight if you start questioning your identity or your belief systems. It hates change because change implies- unpredictability. Whenever you do something out of ego, your soul won't feel right. You will know.
Ask yourself: Are you committed to authenticity and truth (which belong to your soul) or are you committed to how you look in the eyes of others. Ego is all about looking good in the eyes of the society whatever the costs. The ego can be your friend as long as you keep it in check and bring yourself into the present moment, catching yourself anytime you are on the verge of reacting out of ego.
Several things to do when your ego is triggered.
1. Stop and recognize that it is not really you in charge now. The feelings of anger and resentment belong to your ego that has something to prove.
2. Take a deep belly breath.
3. Now that you're in a space of choice and in the space of awareness. Ask yourself „What good will it do if I act out of a place of pain (the ego is in pain) or from a place of love (your soul)? Who will it help and in what way, if I am reacting right now instead of responding?” People never learn a lesson just because someone yells at them.
When you respond rather than react, after the interaction is over you will feel light and you feel like you made the right decision. Because in the short term, the reactivity gives the ego a ratification that the response never can. However in the long run when you respond you will see that your soul will thank you because your soul doesn't want to be in conflict with anyone. A response is always in alignment with your core truth, even if your ego may trick you into believing otherwise. However I want to end this by telling you that you should not feel guilty for reacting. If you still find yourself reacting rather than responding that only means you're still learning the best way for you to respond. You're still learning and you reacting is just you still needing to see certain things that are not yet available to your conscious awareness. And that is ok. Lessons are only learned when they're ready to be learned.
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