People that place boundaries want to have you in their life

When we put up boundaries, we usually get a lot of resistance because of it (defensiveness, feeling hurt, even self blame, deflection etc etc).

When other people place boundaries with us, we also tend to do the same (consciously or not).

But what we actually don't really stop to ponder is that when someone defines their terms, needs and conditions of their interaction with us it's not because they are selfish or that they reject us, abandon us, hurt us or make us feel unwanted and unlovable.

That's purely our own meanings that we assigned to boundaries (through the filter of the wounds we have around them).

What the person who sets boundaries with you is actually saying is "I still want to be with you, but in a healthy way that honors both me and you".

Boundaries are their way of saying that they want to have an honest and clearly defined relationship with you. Not that they DON'T want you in their life. If that were the case, they would have simply left, why bother complicating something they don't want anyway?

Next time someone sets boundaries, know that this is a person who knows themselves and will not manipulate you (consciously or not) to get their needs fulfilled in indirect ways. Thank them for being honest and brave enough to bring clarity to your connection.

People who set boundaries are safe. You most likely won't get unpredictability from them. And safe relationships where we can fully be ourselves (that includes our boundaries !) and be fully accepted is something we all want.