People pleasing is lying to people

I struggled with people pleasing all my life.

I grew up in an environment that taught me that selflessness and self sacrifice were a virtue and that "good" people always prioritize others' needs, wants and desires. I remember being severely punished anytime I had the audacity to choose me or my truth. Boundaries weren't allowed. I had to comply to saying yes because of the tremendous negative consequences involved. It became so embedded within me to say yes, that saying no was not simply a matter of being considered selfish and bad, it became a matter of survival. Betraying, abandoning and lying to myself (which I had no concept of at that time) became a knew jerk reaction for me. So imagine how unbearably painful it was for me to start undoing this ongoing process of self abandonment because my entire self concept was wrapped around being the good girl that gives to everyone indiscriminately and is untrue to herself at all times. Something I realized along the way that made it easier for me to say no and commit to my truth was the realization that anytime I said yes without meaning it I wasn't only being untrue to myself, I was being untrue to the other at the same time. Because the other doesn't know you actually don't want to do the thing you said you want to do. They have no clue! They take your word for it. So by saying yes I sold them an idea of me that was false.

Don't feel bad for this. It's not you, it's your conditioning. You don't do it on purpose. You simply learned to survive this way. So anytime you want to say no but feel pressured to say yes, ask yourself "Am I OK with lying to this person and to myself at the same time?" You will feel guilty in the beginning of practicing this, no doubt about it. This is the truth. But dont wait until it feels good to start saying no because it won't happen unless you slowly and gradually start actually practicing it.