Miracles are not supernatural. They are natural.
When you don't live your life as if it were a miracle, then, when "miracles" happen, you believe they're out of this world.
The difference, I notice between someone who believes in miracles as if they are a way of life and someone who thinks they come from out there, randomly and inexplicably,is the degree to which they are and feel alive.
I'm going to explain what I mean. Our society has long ago decided that our sentience on all levels is inconsequential. It has decided that our thinking mind is the most important and hence anything that is not in immediate & direct service of the reason will be discarded as useless and hindering. The social norms, and the way science works today, dictate more or less in a direct manner that feeling is inferior. And so this has caused humans to start to dissociate more and more from their bodies, from their spirit, from their inner world and has caused us to focus outwardly for anything and everything that we are able to find within. This is literally giving our power away. Briefly put, it is not just trauma that disembodies us, creating splits in our consciousness that we denied and disowind and that are sent into the darkness of our subconscious. It is also the years and years of programming and conditioning of the society and the culture we grew up that say that emotions, feelings, our body even and anything related to them is less than and inferior to the supremacy of the reason. No wonder then we disconnect from our truth. We disconnect from our body, from our intuition, from our emotions. We can't tell shame from guilt, anger from frustration, fear from excitement. It's not because we have a less vibrant intelligence and a less potent brain. It is because are emotionally illiterate. And it is ok. It's not your fault, it's not your parents or grandparents fault either. They all did the the best they could with what they knew. But now it's time we level up a bit. Its time we turn our eyes inward, to what we have discarded, disconsidered all our life: our inner world. This includes our body. All the years in which we have rejected our truth and our emotions may have probably took a toll on our health. I know it happened to me. Unintegrated shadows, emotions and all the experience that we never looked at may have piled up and stored inside our cells and inside our body all this time. As we all know by now, powerful unconscious emotions garnered throughout the years have the potential to transform into vicious illnesses. Illnesses of any kind are the body’s way of saying I cannot take this anymore. Illnesses are our bodies' way of being over saturated with the unowned dense emotions (I prefer not to call them negative) like grief, sorrow, desolation etc which become poisonous for our body and our being.
Owning these unearthed emotions is the first step towards healing and exaltation of them. And pain of any kind can only be owned, exalted, transmuted if first the person is, obviously, willing to become aware of it and commit to self awareness practices. This is the first step, but it's the hardest as many of us have an iron resistance to looking at what hurts. The "negativity" imbued in a grief that has been denied the light of conscious awareness lies in the subconscious & into our nervous system. Once the person commits to the practice of self awareness and hence healing, the grief is allowed to come to the surface, into the light of the conscious mind and the loving awareness of the soul. But as I said, if enough "negativity" is being garnered and stored by our bodies and our subconscious throughout the years it will turn into an illness, that will make the person break at their weakest point, their Achilles heel. In order to make this clearer I will give you my own example and I will also take you step by step into my healing. I have been suffering from chronic migraines since around 2017. Back then I had no idea and no clue about anything related to spirituality, spiritual awakening or any type of emotional healing. The migraines that I used to have back then were so debilitating, so paralyzing that I used to throw up from the pain, I used to not be able to get up from my bed, stand on my own 2 feet and even go to the bathroom by myself. I remember sitting in a dark room bawling my eyes out with despair and pain. Nobody I knew was going through something similar and hence nobody was able to relate to the type of pain that I was enduring every week.
I was in such a pit of despair because nothin worked and obviously there was no remedy, nobody knew the root cause of my migraines and nobody could give me any pain killers to alleviate my harrowing pain. An acquaintance of mine at one point proposed a strong and extremely dangerous pill that, as a side effect, would affect my heart. Even the doctor forbade me to take it because of the strong side effects that it had. But I didn’t care. The excruciating pain that I was in was too much to bear and I took my chances. So every week anytime I had these powerful migraines, I used to take this pill that caused my heart to go haywire. It did little for me, but I was fine with a little considering the the amount of pain I was in. Technically you could say that at that point I had to choose between my head and my heart. But little did I know that not only wasn’t I choosing to cure or to heal my head, I was unconsciously choosing to harm both my head and my heart. I went on like this even after my spiritual awakening at the end of 2018. I was disembodied even in my spiritual journey in the beginning, because my philosophy back then was that I had to transcend my vessel, my body because I believed it was of little use and that it was hindring my spiritual growth. Foolish of me I could say. But I’m proud of myself for having learned from that. The migraines didn’t stop, nor did they get any more bearable in the begining of my spiritual awakening. What I understood thou that I shouldn’t be doing anymore was to take any type of pills to numb my pain. Believe it or not, I let the unbearable pain express itself fully. I refused to put it to sleep anymore for a short term comfort. Why do I say that? Because I knew that the migraines would come back anyway. And so I let my pain speak. I let my pain unfold. People around me could not understand why I was torturing myself in that way. But I knew why. There was a message in that pain so loud so unabashedly loud that I could no longer pretend to not hear the bellowing of my migraines. The message of the migraines was not clear to me from the get go,even if I knew there was a message there. Why? Because I disowned denied and muted the voice of my body, the expression of my body, the expression of my subconscious and the expression of my grief long long time ago. Obviously it could not become completely transparent and clear the first time an I was not expecting it to be. It is the excruciating pain of my migraines that literally confined me to my bed for days That I have to thank for for helping me re-embody my being. But the first times that I started listening and talking to my pain it was not transparent to me that it was a blessing in disguise. I remember being in so much pain that I was almost hallucinating. However somehow I gathered my strength to talk to my pain. It may sound woo woo, but it is the reality of what I did. So the process that I intuitively instinctively did without anybody guiding me or telling me the right way to do was to envision my pain to focus on it with all my intent and all my love. I visualized my crippling pain as a person, a distinct person from me. I remember asking it the following: What are your needs? What do you want to tell me? What are you trying to convey to me that I’m not hearing and seeing? The very first tries, there was silence. It was not silence from the part of my pain, it was I that was not hearing. So as I was not hearing the message of my migraines, I intuitively started chanting a mantra that I felt most in alignment with what I felt I needed at that time. I do not know how this specific mantra and not other came to me, the only thing that I know is that I was guided to it. The mantra was I allow myself to be as I am. I give myself permission to heal. I remember the density and the pressure and the tension in my head lifting slowly slowly. At first I thought it was an illusion of my mind. When I realized that the grip that was similar to a vise’s grip lessened, I remember I started to cry. I literally could not believe what just happened. I literally could not believe that I alleviated my own pain by myself, a pain that no other medicine or pill in the world could alleviate, I did it by myself all alone. It was then when this happened that I started to believe in my body's wisdom. I truly started to believe in the power of the self healing, in the power that we all intrinsically have to find homeostasis whenever we are misaligned in some way. It was then when I committed to understanding my body and the cause for my migraines. I started to look and dig deeper into the spiritual and emotional causes of migraines. I remember that while in pain, the image of a willow tree kept popping up, I didnt pay much attention to it in the beginning as I was way too preoccupied with my pain. But this image had a soothing effect on my body, on my pulsating migraine. I had no idea about the reason as to why the image of a willow tree would leave such a healing mark on me. But fast forward to a more recent time, what I uncovered related to my migraines and hence to the spiritual root causes at least for me regarding chronic migraines was an unconscious & extremely powerful need to control. My migraines where related to my mother wound. My mother was and is a control freak,a chronic worrier. And I internalised her anxiety, the unsafety that I remember she exuded from all of her pores when I was a child. My mother was hyper controlling and one of the biggest wounds that I have is the enmeshment wound. The enmeshment wound translates into the fear of loss of self. When a child is enmeshed, they are not allowed to have their own needs, their own wants, their own desires, in short, they are not allowed to be themselves. An enmeshed child learns that their authenticity cannot be tolerated as it is. So they try their best to get rid of their self in order to please the parents and to be accepted by them & the society the child grows up in. This was my case too.
I remember as a child not being able to have myself in my relationship with my mother. She controlled everything about me from the clothes that I wore to the friends that I had. As a result, a split within my consciousness occured. One split that wanted desperately to comply because it was the only way to get love from my mother, and another split that was rebellious and pushed against anything that was considered authority or rules.
The split that wanted me to comply at all costs actually took on the essence and the energy of my mother. Throughout the years, it put more pressure and more pressure on me to be to live the right way, the way that she wanted me to be. Because I learned there can only be one right way, and anything outside of that standard was bad wrong and utterly unlivable. This aspect in me that I was not conscious of created a framework of interacting with people, as the foundation for my relationship with people was created by the way that I interacted with my parent figures. And the interaction with my parent figures, mostly my dominant parent figure, which was my mom, was intensely unpredictable, unsafe, I always had to guess what she needed me to do, I always had to guess what was the right way for me to be so that she can approve of me. This fear of not being good enough, not being right or not fitting into the standards controlled my entire life. The migraines were there to try to make me aware of and to own this wound that ran so deeply and was so embedded into all my cells, into all my being. The second that I started to become aware of the dysfunctional pattern of how I controlled everything about my life from the standpoint of my internalised hyper controlling mother, I began to feel relief from my migraines. No medication. Only the willingness and the commitment to my own self and to my own healing. I made a daily practice, the second that it dawned on me what was the wound that created my migraines, to allow myself to be unrestricted, to feel the freedom of being myself fully, with every emotion with every sensation, however unacceptable my internalised mother would consider it. It was scary at first. I’m not gonna lie, at times it still is. I’m very committed to witnessing my body’s messages, to welcome them into my conscious awareness every day. What I did was to actually befriend my own traumas and my own bodily sensations that until that point were my enemy. Not anymore. Anytime I feel any tension in my neck or at the base of my skull, instead of pushing against this tension, I allow it to unfold and to tell me its story. I know now that whenever I get any tension in my head it is about how couple of days prior, I somehow let myself get caught in a conflict, where I allowed my boundaries be overstep and violated unknowingly. It is a story about how I’m in danger zone regarding my own safety and my own peace of mind. But because I give this initial tension in my head the permission to speak to me the second that I start feeling it, it never gets the chance to accrue enough to turn into a massive migraine anymore. Because I listen. My unwillingness to allow it to speak was what acted as an embankment or a roadblock for all the hurt and tension to accrue. Physical pain is not meant to harm me I know that now. Physical pain bears a deep message that I have not been ready to listen to until recently. Pain is there to protect me against any harm that I might do to myself or that I may allow others to to do to me further on. I’m still working on improving my relationship with my own body and the signals that it sends me through my migraines. However I realized the more I focus on setting boundaries however guilty I may feel, I notice that I’ve been having less and less migraines for the last half a year. Chronic migraines are about chronically having your boundaries violated and not having the necessary internal resources on the moment to stick up to them. And that’s OK you should not shame yourself if this is your case, you just need to be open enough and willing enough to learn little by little that your body is your ally and all it wants to do is to warn you when what you’re doing is poisonous for you and how you can make it right. It is the case with any disease. So I’m proud to tell you that I have been off of migraines for more than six months now, whereas prior to that I’ve been having migraines every week. This is the miracle that I talked to you about in the beginning. But I believe it is a natural consequence of me coming home to myself, where I belong. I became alive. Fully and unapologetically alive. No longer believing that something is inherently wrong amd wicked with me, that somehow I should be ashamed of parts in me, I actually allowed myself to fully embody my aliveness and as a natural consequence, I started healing myself. There was nothing left for me to lose anyway. Owning the negativity inherent in my untapped grief of my enmeshment wound was the key to my freedom. You don't have to believe me and take literal what I am saying. I am not promising you that it will 100% work for you and cure you. What helps me may not work for you. And that's fine, it doesn't mean anything has gone wrong. If nothing else works, just try alternative methods safely, little by little, don't do anything rash that is or feels unsafe, dangerous, or is simply not in alignment with your highest good. We are all different and that's the beauty of it. See how you feel, see what comes up for you when you try to listen to your pain, tap into your body's wisdom. Don't force anything. Allow yourself to live and be. There is not one right way to heal. What works for you is what is right for you.
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