There are 3 core and simple principles that I personally discovered are timeless and foundational for one’s healing and self-transformational journey: Everything matters, everything serves you and everything teaches you. Each one of these 3 simple and potent principles acts like an overarching concept that encompasses deeper layers and posits deeper and complex truths.
Today I want to talk about the first one: everything matters and what it consists of. When we say that something or someone matters, what we implicitly say is that that thing or person has worth/value.
Is there value in a flower? If yes, why? If no, why? Is there worth or value in a cloud, in a random object, in an animal? If yes why, if no why? Is there value in a positive situation? What about a bad, wrong or negative one? Is there value in a person succeeding? Is there worth in a person who is working on themselves? What about a person on their way to their dream life? Is there value in doing? What about in doing nothing? Is there value in a serial killer? Is there value in a good Samaritan?
In this article I will discuss worth/value and self worth/self value, how & why you can find it everywhere (hence everything matters because everything has value) and I will be referring to both worth and self worth alternatively because they intertwine.
I want to start with my personal definition of self worth.
To me, self worth is understanding and accepting the innate value of your Beingness as is.
As you may have noticed, I didn't say the value of your doing.
I said the value of your Beingness.
Beingness is existence. So what I mean is once you begin to see the intrinsic value of your own existence as is, you begin to feel your life has substance by itself. And this realization or epiphany actually extends to the things, people, places, situations, ideas all around you, eventually down the road even to those things that you may have rejected as worthless previously (I’ll give you a practice in a minute). So what this this boils down to is that once you awaken to your own value, you also awaken to the intrinsic value in everything else around you.
I teach and promote authenticity and I can tell you the journey back home to your true and authentic self is inseparable from uncovering your self worth. Self worth is a byproduct of getting closer and closer to your truth and owning it, because you won't own anything that you don't see the value/worth of. That means whatever your personal truth/truths are, you first need to understand how and why they are valuable as they are in order for you to own them as part of your conscious identity/true self.
So let’s talk about worth.
Even though worth exists in everything as is, to most of us, this concept is very ambiguous by itself and because it feels ambiguous and vague, we needed to make it more concrete. Hence we started attributing the degree of value or worth someone has to external things like status, money, degrees, relationships etc. We also attributed the value of something to the amount of money it requires of us to have that thing.
That means that someone recognizing and acknowledging the value in something or someone else depends on the core values, interests, focus, priorities and societal conditioning of the beholder.
I’m going to give you an example. For someone who loves cars a flower may look pretty but cannot possibly have the same importance as a car. This pretty flower may have intrinsic value, but its value will not be recognized as such unless someone who loves and values flowers would see it.
However, it is my strong personal believe that even though we can have our own preferences, if we’re intentional about it, we can at the same time find value in anything and everything else too. It is a daring task for many to disidentify from their current preferences in order to understand objectively the value in the things they have no interest in. This does not mean that you stop having your own unique proclivity, liking, tendencies and preferences.
So if you're someone who is on a spiritual and self discovery journey and are interested in living more consciously, I have a practice for you that I’m doing myself and changed my life forever, that involves several levels of exploration of the self and the world around. I suggest you do it for at least one month, daily, to see the benefits of it.
One of the most important signs of low self worth that I noticed is when speaking positively about yourself feels offputting and uncomfortable, whereas negative inner monologue is something that feels like home. So what we’re going to do first here, in our practice, is to flip that on its head.
That means the first part of this practice is to challenge yourself to do a scavenger hunt for the positive qualities and endowments you possess, then, once you’re done with that and exhausted everything, you go on to the next level and do a scavenger hunt for the things you hate/deny/are ashamed of or disapprove of about yourself and dig up the hidden wisdom, value and beneficial intention behind these `bad` things about you. So your flaws, the things you hate about yourself, how do they bring value into your life? What hidden wisdom do they carry? For instance, if you're someone who's seen as lazy, ask yourself what is the deeper positive intention that you're not seeing about laziness? You could say that someone who is lazy knows how to rest, they are able to take time out and relax, hence putting themselves first. This would be the exalted version of the lazy aspect within you. If you're sad, what is this sadness trying to tell you that you want instead? How is it hence valuable? Maybe you're miserable at that job or in that relationship and the value and wisdom in the sadness is indicating to you that you need to change those things.
What about finding value in negative situations and circumstances? And I know this is a tricky one for most of us because when we are in pain and wounded, the only truth we know is that there is no value and no lesson or worth in anything bad that's happening with us. It's understandable to feel like pain of any kind is bad and worthless and don’t force yourself into doing this part of the practice. Simply do it when you feel ready to explore a different perspective on what happened to you.
Challenge yourself to flip that. You’ll find how pain of any type is in itself a strong messenger for some particular truth you are unconscious of. What is this pain teaching me about me and subsequently, what is the value hidden in this pain?
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Next level of this hunt for value and worth in this practice is to challenge yourself to find value in everyday mundane situations. In the evening, when you revisit your day, challenge yourself to find as many valuable lessons in the simplest of things you did. You don't have to do important/notable things throughout the day for you to put them down. For instance, if all you did one day is stare at the ceiling, what is the value in that? Maybe you find that the value in it is that you simply rejoiced the present moment, in the being rather than the doing.
The bonus activity that will add even more depth and richness into your life is to challenge yourself to see the positive traits and intentions, as well as the value in the things, people, places, feelings, ideas etc that you don't particularly like or have not found valuable previously. For eg, if you have always been a person that hated cats, your job here is to brainstorm ways in which cats are wonderful. You don't have to personally start liking cats, that's not the point of this practice. You can very well maintain your preference, but by doing this exercise you will see how cats still have value and worth regardless and in spite of how you feel about them. Do this with anything you can think of and brainstorm ways and reasons why these things around you have intrinsic value. You'll soon start to see that the more you find meaning and value in things, people and places around you, the more value you find in yourself. The lesson here is you don't need to prefer something to see its objective value. Hence worth becomes independent from one's preference.
Soon you'll become conscious of how much worth there is in everything and how everything matters. Because that is true - everything matters in some form or another, in some way or another, everything plays its own designated part here on Earth.
In regards to the things you do, the contributions and success you have they do not give you worth per se, even if society does want you to believe that you are as valuable as your job, your degree and your various accomplishments. These things can only promote and highlight the intrinsic worth that was already there to begin with or, in case of someone who is not what society calls `successful` the lack of awareness of personal worth. A wealthy CEO and a homeless person have the same worth, difference is one is aware of their own self worth and cultivated it throughout their life, the other one hasn't. A serial killer is considered a monster and even though his or her actions are absolutely despicable, self worth is not absent in this individual. The problem is that they feel empty and worthless. And of course if someone feels worthless and that's their adopted personal truth, they'll absolutely behave in ways that make them appear and be labeled as worthless in the eyes of the world. If the serial killer changes their ways, do they magically gain self worth now overnight? No. When someone simply starts to awaken to their own innate worth, that inevitably brings about radical changes in an individual inner structure and self perception.
Bottom line is nothing can subtract worth from you, from other people or things. Nothing can add worth to you, other people or things. You simply either see that worth or you don't. It's that simple. Self worth and worth in general precedes your awareness of it. Once you start doing the practice of recognizing how everything matters, both in you and everything around you, soon you will realize that nothing is wasted. It is simply a matter of willingness and commitment to see this that will turn your life into a rich, meaningful, abundant one and you will feel more alive than ever before.
Moreover someone who is aware of their own worth and the worth of things, people and places around them simply cannot and will not cause harm to them. You cannot intentionally and consciously cause harm to anything that you deem as valuable, loveable and worthy. So one may say finding your self worth and at the same time finding out how everything matters could be the beginning of ending separateness here on Earth.
In the end I want to introduce you to the Self Worth Workbook - a guided resource created to support you in this practice of uncovering and resourcing the value that is intrinsic in yourself.
The Self Worth Workbook will take you on a journey to explore and reflect on your true self-worth in an insightful way. It’ll help you discover hidden depths within yourself—the lessons you can learn from difficult experiences that are full of valuable knowledge for personal growth. Not only will this workbook aid in learning about yourself, but it will also assist you in finding more fulfillment and connection with those around you.
By the end of this workbook, you will have acquired a newfound sense of worth, strength, joy and security within yourself that no one else can take away. Get ready to uncover the precious gift that lies within and start creating a more meaningful life today with the Self Worth Workbook! If I piqued your curiosity and you want to know more, head to the link in the description to get the workbook at a very special price.
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