If we're unhealed, we won't know the difference.
If we have abandonment issues, oftentimes we find ourselves attracted to relationships with narcissists. And we all know that in the beginning, before grabbing onto their prey and sucking their life force away and before the baneful effects of such a partnership become evident, narcs seem the most charming and lovable and inviting people in the world. You might even be tricked into believing you have found the love of your life.
How can one stay away and not be a match to such a unconscious bonding? If you have done any type of inner work, you will be able to more easily identify the red flags that lurk underneath the sweet behaviour and "innocent" jokes.
The difference between a person who falls for the trauma bond and the one who doesn't is the level of self awareness that they are at.
Basically the more you know yourself and your wounds the less likely you are to be fooled by the fakeness of a narc's parasitic need of a host. The more you do your inner work and identify your abandonment wounds and sit with these deeply tormenting feelings, the less you will he a vibrational match to a trauma bond type of relationship.
Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to fully heal a wound before you become a match to a healthy conscious relationship. The first and crucial step to take is take yourself out of denial. Denial is the biggest and most blinding obstacle in your spiritual path.
Denial can take the form of justifying the behaviour of the narc, giving them just one more chance, loving them harder in hopes they will change etc. Denial is a substitute for legitimate suffering. Under there is a bioling anguish waiting to surge.
So stop denying your pain's right to come to surface and into light when it wants to come up. That means stop swallowing your tears and push down the sorrow. Let it erupt and express itself. Be present with it and validate it.
The second you take a step back from denial, you dis-identify with it and instantly get to a higher vibratory field where you're no longer a match to such toxic unions.
But it's obviously easier said than done... most of time. However, don't feel bad if you still cannot seem to find the way out of this toxic pattern of attracting poisonous relationships. If you are in a relationship with a narc and cannot seem to unhook from it, just know you're still in that relationship for a reason, a reason which will be revealed to you when the time is right. Or if you are not in a relationship right now, but find yourself attracting wrong people, it is because they mirror back to you splits in you that you must become aware of and make peace with them.
Just know this: everything happens when it's supposed to happen.
And one more thing:
You find the love of your life when you are finally at ease to sit unconditionally with your authentic self.
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