Anything you go through either takes from you or gives to you

Anything you face or go through either takes from you, if you let it, or it gives you. That may seem obvious at face value. But when confronted with concrete everyday situations we rarely maintain the perspective that the specific hostile situation is actually trying to help us and not harm us. It is understandable why we do it, but at the same time we may need to address it when we are out of the triggered moment in order to see how this apparently adverse event helps us take our power back. What do I mean by that?

Let's take the trivial example of the dishes left in the sink that one finds upon coming home from their job, even after they asked their partner to do them. If you hate this situation and it makes you frustrated, from the vibration of frustration you cannot see how this situation is helping you become your better version. You can choose to sink deeper into the pain by allowing it to unfold and sit with it unconditionally and then try to dig deeper and see what core belief lies underneath it. You may find that beneath it all there is a belief that you're not worthy of love.

To shift perspectives, how can you feel worthy of love in this case? Ask yourself Does it empower me to do the dishes or does it make me feel more depleted. If it leaves you more depleted,then you need to have a serious talk with your partner to set boundaries on the dish issue. Tell him or her about what it means to you when you come home and the dishes are still in the sink. "When I come home tired after work and I see the dishes unwashed, I make this mean that I do not matter to you. It makes me feel devalued and unseen and that I'm unworthy of love. And so I would appreciate it if I can count on you to wash the dishes before I get home as this matters so much for me." I found that the best time to set these types of boundaries is when not triggered, when not in an emotional vortex. And if your partner still does not care about this even after having this talk with them, maybe you just need to take into account the fact that they may sincerely not care about you and your needs. At that point however, the discussion is whether you're willing to put up with it anymore or not. Because even if at face value it seems as a trivial insignificant thing to have the dishes unwashed when you come back home, it builds up resentment towards your partner in time. And because it is a need you have, you also betray yourself if you choose to downplay it and deny it and take on this responsibility. Ask yourself if it is worth it.

So see how this simple situation hides a treasure of information about you and your needs? By you choosing to look at it in a way that teaches you and enriches you, you choose the side of it that gives to you, even if at face value it is not a happy, fulfilling circumstance. It is all about the meaning you assign to it and the perspective you choose to have on it.